How do I become a real princess, queen, etc ?

How can I become a real Princess, without having to marry a Prince, without having to win any beauty pageants, without having to buy my own royal title, without having to be born from a King or Queen, without having to buy my own small country with a monarchy, without having to be adopted by a Queen or a King of a Monarchy, without having to copyright a Royal title, without having to play the part or role of a Princess in a movie or a play ( I AM MOT AN ACTRESS, so that ain`t gonna happen :( ) and without having to be a Princess at my Birthday party (already tried it) (Other than buying tiaras and wearing them around my house, er, I mean around my castle, and pretending or make-believe, like costume parties, etc...)? I know that there was once this contest reality TV series once called the AMERICAN PRINCESS, in another country called, the AUSTRALIAN PRINCESS, but that was for one time only. Any Kings or Queens reading this willing to adopt me, let me know! :P seriously, PLEASE ! :( I`m tired of being a peasant, poor or commoner, like the rest !!!!! :O